Life...you are seriously testing me.

After everything....you make my internet disappear knowing I should be on bedrest?!?!
Mobile data sucks, and I can't do my assignments with ease, no can I find my ethernet cable so I can hook up directly.
Headaches. This weekend is a headache.
Positive thoughts.

Safe and sound

My uncle's family is glad nothing is terribly wrong with me.
Shocked to see a message on messenger when I got to his place.
Currently in his study room, due to the fact it is fiesta here in the city, he wanted me to at least not be alone considering I was finally discharged half an hour ago.
His family studied /worked in the states. So it was also the only place I trust myself to be at if I ever ended up in the hospital.
Took my cousin forever to sign my discharge papers.
Sorry for the worry. When I woke up, I didn't realize I posted it in this blog, it was suppose to go to the other one.
I am alive.

P.S Sagittarius' are the best sign.

You are silly

I am more than positive you are that cat in the bag.
I will be fine. It isn't too serious apparently. But they are keeping me for a few more hours to be sure.
So now drugged up on painkillers laughing/giggling at all those posts you made.
Thank you for them.
I am not dying, so don't worry too much.

For when you are better pt.14

I hope you get better.
-Ashe

For when you are better pt.13

For when you are better pt.12

For when you are bored pt.11

For when you are bored pt.10

For when you are bored pt.9

For when you are bored pt.8

For when you are bored pt.7

-full of too much lame.

For you to read when you are bored pt.6

-this is me -smiles-

For you to read when you are bored Pt.5

For you to read when you are bored pt.4

For you to read when you are bored pt.3

For you to read when you are bored pt.2

For you to read while you are bored

I'm a Virgo apparently?

Lighthearted.Lovely "L" Words.

Glad to hear it.

You always worry me.
You know that.
-Ashe

I am alive.

Just laying in the hospital bed while they are running tests... or maybe they are waiting on results. I dunno, everything is slow here, but at least I get first attention. Niece of the Hospital's owner gets the best care.
Just waiting.
Sorry for worrying you Ashe. I didn't mean to.

I hope you are okay.

Be safe. Be healthy.
Please.
-Ashe

About to head to the hospital

Just waiting for my uncle to come and get me. Bless his sweet self. I don't have to deal with the scariness of waiting. Pain is too much he is taking me to his hospital. Hurry please uncle bobong... Ugh.

Dream On

Friends trying to help...

People have been sending me articles lately... I know they are trying to help, but I don't know how helpful they are.

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/should-you-really-stay-friends-after-the-relationship-is-over/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2015/10/how-to-stay-friends-after-the-break-up/

http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/its-impossible-to-really-stay-friends-after-a-breakup/732948/


http://m.mic.com/articles/115864/here-s-what-s-actually-happening-after-we-break-up#.OjTjRuIfJ

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/33_dating_girl.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex


A glass of wine will go good with this next batch of articles.

-A

Almost done with the day

Finished the exams today.

Actually was able to answer the DR questions for Mendez.

Not a bad day if I do say so myself.

I am slowly dying (mentally and emotionally)

Due to stress, and doing everything last minute for unknown reasons.

So many thoughts, but too tired from life.

-sigh-

Harry Potter

Every Single Second

Indecent Proposal

Terrified of taking my exams now.

Pride and Predjudice

Quote

Persuasion

Random post.

Watched Whisper of the Heart, and started watching Grey's Anatomy again. That show touches my heart.

Qouth the Raven, "Nevermore".

"Once upon a midnight deary,
 while I pondered weak and weary....."
                                          -Edgar Allan Poe
                                            (The Raven)

Going to recite this poem by heart for a grade on English tomorrow.
Thanks to the teacher actually allowing us to decide on the poems ourselves.

Sleepy

My English teacher just spent an hour singing American folk songs.
....wonder if he is serious the songs will be on the exam.

Wolf Children

Such a sad, and amazing movie.

Overview of my day.

Oh, Calcifer! You will always be my favorite from Howl's Moving Castle! 

I was a space cadet all day during school. I am pretty sure I failed a quiz in HealthEd, and not to mention looked like a complete idiot when I couldn't think of how to use the word "buck" in a sentence. Today was an off day. Though, I will be watching Howl's Moving Castle shortly. 

Also, I am sure, "what's up with that photo?" Well....my classmates...no, my friends, likes to be little buttholes sometimes. I was eating in my Informatics class, and since it is computers the number one rule is no eating the classroom. And what do I do? Hahahahah, I eat my barnuts at my computer while surfing the net, and typing my assignments. One of those lovely ladies thought it would be funny to take an off guard photo of me. I cover my face. No one needs to see my ugliness. 

So yeah. That is one of the most interesting things from today. 

Also, I sent a loop program to my teacher's laptop when I sent her my file, and it caused her to laugh since it kept popping up the little window with "No! Keep me." She was a good sport about it. But she made me remove it, and as punishment I am stuck being the I.T for the section. Not that I mind too much, since the I.T on hand doesn't really know what he is doing, he just tells us to unplug the computer and plug it back in if something isn't working right. He should be fired. I may not know as much as the computer studies students, but I am fairly decent around a computer, and since it is an old operating system, I actually know quite a few back doors thanks to my dad. 

For once, my computer nerd programming daddy forcing me to help him repair computers actually pays off. 

Thought for a change to post something from my mind/day here instead of the other blog.

Sorry it got long.

Well off to watch Studio Ghibli movies. 

"You light the skies up above me"

"So, yes I know that love is unconditional, but I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable, and well, strangely easy to mistake for loathing."  

- Stardust (2007)

Whisper of the heart.

Go Have A New One

Because I love you

Happily Ever After

Favorite Howl's quote

"A heart's a heavy burden."

Or something like that.

Howl

Howl's Moving Castle

One of my all time favorite Studio Ghibli movies. 

When I get home from my day today, I am going to curl up am watch this.

Soon You'll Come Home

What an Asshole!

Seriously. Learn manners. It isn't all that hard, or maybe your momma dropped ya on the head or something because your pea size brain doesn't seem to work.

Thanks for ruining a semi-decent day Ass.

I have a....

Selfish wish. 

Doubt it will happen any time soon. 

But I can still wish. 

Him watching/posting Disney makes me smile and makes me want to send quotes to him. 

I must surpress my Disney fanatic. 

Xena: The Warrior Princess

I decided to do her war cry in class.
Funniest thing I have ever done.
Scared the living shit out of almost every girl.
An hour left in English 31.
I have to write a speech on something that is close to my heart/means a lot to me.
Ugh, I swear this teacher is just looking to get personal with the students.
I don't want to open up to people like that!
Wonder if I can convince him otherwise....or maybe I will write something completely based off nonsense.
Heart feels heavy.
Going to my other blog.

When She Loved Me

When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together
Lives within my heart
And when she was sad
I was there to dry her tears
And when she was happy
So was I
When she loved me
Through the summer and fall
We had each other
That was all
Just she and I together
Like it was meant to be
And when she was lonely
I was there to comfort her
And I knew
That she loved me
So the years went by
I stayed the same
But she began to drift away
I was left alone
Still I waited for the day
When she'd say
I will always love you
Lonely and forgotten
Never thought she'd look my way
And she smiled at me
And held me
Just like she used to do
Like she loved me
When she loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together
Lives within my heart
When she loved me

The irony!

I am the only one who actually did all the assignments. Hahah.
My classmates are something else.
My stomach hurts.
Dunno why.

Watching Hercules Pt.4

Watching Hercules Pt.3

Watching Hercules Pt.2

Watching Hercules

Confession: I had the biggest crush on Meg when I was little.

One day

I will actually do all my assignments when I was suppose to.
Rushed to get everything done before class is ALWAYS fun.
Now just getting lost in my thoughts with no one to talk to.

Invisible on Yahoo

One of those low moments in life staring at the "online" people and wondering if they can secretly see you back.
-A

It was Saturday Morning...

It was Saturday morning, the man knelt down at the gravestone and moved his weather-worn hand on the etched letters. “Beloved wife, mother, and friend.” He moved his fingers down to the name “Annette Winfrey - May 2, 1975 – October 5, 2015” A rose etched in the stone. He sighed to himself as he stood back up and slowly moved to the grave beside it, much smaller but with no less significance. He read the words silently in his mind though he had read them a thousand times before “Kara Winfrey, God’s garden has need for little flowers. July 25, 2005 – October 5, 2015” A small daisy etched in hers.

He winced at the words as if ripping open a large scar that had barely begun to heal. It had been six months since the accident, yet the pain was still fresh in his mind. Still… today he tried to smile. The side of his mouth curved, just barely as he stared down at his daughter’s grave and spoke quietly, “I try every day to smile for you… it’s still hard though, after all I can’t hear your footsteps running down the hallway anymore. I can’t pretend not to see you hiding behind my office door waiting to scare me…” his voice trailed off as a tear rolled down his cheek. He couldn’t go on any more with his thoughts, not because it was painful, but because he seen what looked like teenagers emerging from one of the small mausoleum-like structure not far from where he stood.

Five of them doubling over in laughter, smoke pouring out of the building as if it were on fire – though he knew there would be no flames. He narrowed his eyes, anger flooding through him as they trampled through the world of the resting dead as if nothing but weeds and grass were under their feet. He didn’t take his eyes away from them, silently cursing each one of them in his mind for being so disrespectful. One of the faces locked with his, he stared at her as if daggers could shoot through his eyes and into hers, hoping maybe if she could take the hint she would stop the others. A few moments passed between them, but instead of the apologetic look he was expecting, she stuck her tongue out and flicked her middle finger towards him. Instead of giving her the shocked face he assumed she wanted, he continued to stare – almost emotionless at them until they disappeared from his sight.

---

Chloe laughed and continued to walk with her friends out of the graveyard. Her green eyes were bloodshot as her dyed bleach blonde hair fell in a frizzy kind of way around her face. “Did you flip off that guy?!” Denise said loudly as they rounded the corner of the sidewalk. Chloe laughed, “Yeah, oh my god did you see his face. Such a creeper.” Denise laughed along with her, both of them following behind the three men they were with. Chloe stumbled a little as her red high heel shoe caught the corner of the sidewalk she was walking down. “Shit.” She managed to say before one of the men yanked her back up before her face made contact with the curb. “Fuck! Watch where you are walking, clumsy bitch.” Chloe  laughed his comment off and shot her brown haired friend Denise a look,  but Denise didn’t notice as she stared at the tallest of the men they had met at the bar the night before.

Chloe remembered most of the night before thought parts of it were a little fuzzy. They had been drinking a lot before they crashed in the stone building in the middle of the graveyard and the pot this morning didn’t help. She coughed and rubbed her mouth with the back of the sleeve of the jacket she had borrowed from the guy with sandy blonde hair. They walked a few blocks before stopping at the car the men had driven to get to the bar, “Shotgun!” The blonde said with a laugh as the tallest one got into the driver’s seat. The third guy looked a little agitated as he forced a smile towards the girls before sliding into the back.

The drive angled the mirror towards them and said, “So where to?”  The girl’s gave them their addresses and before long they were both safe and sound at home.

---

Chloe showered and quickly put on her best modest outfit, she had a lunch party with her parents that she had to get to that her mom would kill her if she was late. She ran down the stairs of the large, empty mansion taking them two by two, large expensive art hung on the walls as she tried to get her earrings in her ears. She looked at the mirror that was in the entryway and put some Visine in her still-red eyes. Suddenly the doorbell rang.

Chloe’s glanced towards the maid dusting in her parent’s living room, but knew she was too close to the door for her to get it. Chloe sighed obnoxiously and grabbed her name brand purse from the side table in the hallways and opened the door. Her stomach felt like it was in her throat. It was him, the man from the graveyard. The look of horror must have been evident on her face as the man interrupted the moment of silence between them, “Hello Miss Ramsey.” Chloe shifted uncomfortably, unable to find the right words to say to the stranger on the doorstep. “H-hello?” She managed. “I saw you and your friend’s at the cemetery this morning.” Chloe’s face suddenly reddened with anger and her words found her, “What the fuck is it to you old man?” She said loudly, glad her parents weren’t home. She was supposed to be studying with Denise, not using fake I.D.s to get into clubs. “Are you some kind of stalker, cause I’ll call the fucking police right now.”

He didn’t flinch at the harshness of her tone, “No need for that Miss Ramsey, I was just curious if you found a daisy necklace while you were there. It’s been lost and I’d really like to have it again. Sentimental reasons.” Chloe narrowed her eyes and pushed passed him closing the door behind her, she wasn’t afraid of him, “You think I stole your shitty necklace? No way. Get away from me.” She walked down the stairs to the sidewalk and lifted her hand for a cab. One stopped almost immediately, as she got in she started to give the man a dirty glance, but he had obviously moved on. “Good riddance.” She said under her breath.

---

Chloe had lunch with her parents and their friends at the top of a high rise overlooking the entire city. She laughed at all the right times, and said all the right things. It was easy when she had grown up around all of this since she was born. Fancy parties, fast cars, name brand clothing. She enjoyed every bit of it. The lunch went a little long for her tastes, but then she was back home again finishing up her homework for class on Monday. Life was good. She crawled into bed a few hours later, tired from her eventful weekend partying. It wasn’t long before sleep took her.

---

Running… running… she was being chased by something, was she in the woods, a city? She couldn’t tell. Her mind raced. What was chasing her? Suddenly she was on the ground, something on her back, she thrashed about many moments until…she couldn’t breathe. It had her by the neck laughing… choking her. She tried to scream out, she tried to get someone’s attention but no one heard her, no one looked at her. Couldn’t they see she was being attacked? This had to be a dream, she tried to wake herself, but to no avail, the world went black.

When she awoke, she looked around her as a few girls laughed, “You fell asleep again Kara!” One of them said. Chloe looked at her confused, “My name isn’t Kara?” She said quietly, but the voice that came out wasn’t her own. She tried to sit up, but the seatbelt locked up on her not allowing her to go too far. She had to sit up to look out the window, it was that moment she realized she wasn’t twenty anymore. She looked down to find herself in some kind of camper garb, her hands much smaller than they had been when she went to sleep, her feet unable to touch the floorboard. She looked around frantically as the girls in the van started chanting some kind of road trip song. “Where am I?” She announced loudly, but it was as if none of the girls could hear her. She touched the seatbelt strap with her hand and released the lock. She looked out the window; the countryside was all she could see. She leaned over, the van full of girls chanting away, two adult women in the driver and passenger seat, singing away.

Chloe shifted uncomfortably and pushed the glasses up on her nose. Since when did she wear glasses? Her hearth thumped in her chest loudly as the chanting girl’s made for eerie background noise. Seconds… minutes… hours past the sky began to darken and many of the other girls were starting to fall asleep, but Chloe couldn’t close her eyes. A feeling of dread overwhelmed her as she watched the sun go down. “Kara, it’s okay to sleep, we’ll be there in a few hours.” One of the women said, “We’ll wake you we promise.” She giggles with the other woman, “Goodnight Kare-Bear.” Said the other, her eyes staring into Chloe’s in such a gentle and loving way. Mommy I love you. A voice whispered in her mind.

Then the sound of metal on metal clashed into her ears. The world swirled into a multitude of colors Chloe couldn’t even begin to describe. Her head hit the car door as airbags began popping out of every direction as th overhead lights came on. Then the loud sound of splashing water came. Chloe…Kara looked around her desperately her vision blurry as blood dripped from her temple from the impact of the door. Half of the van was crushed into itself, the girl’s Kara’s friend’s on the left side had their eyes closed, most of their limbs mangled. The girl’s on the right were screaming. The driver was missing most of the left side of her body and her brain was oozing out as her neck fell limb in an unnatural way. The woman in the passenger seat was unconscious, but not near as injured. Chloe… Kara wiped the blood away from her temple as her vision refocused on the true darkness of it all.

She didn’t even realize she was in water until her ears began to pop and her shoes began to moisten. She looked down at the water pooling beneath her and then more panic set in She undid her seatbelt and screamed, “It’s filling up with water!” She exclaimed to her still screaming friends. She tried the automatic  window switch on her door, but it wouldn’t budge, the water rising. Next she tried the door. After manually unlocking it she pulled the handle and tried to push open the door, but the weight of the water was too much for her tiny body. She looked around for something, anything to break the window, to open the door.

The water was to her middle now as the blood of her friends, the blood of her mother, began swirling towards her. Tears ran down her face as she began to cry out for help from someone, anyone. The girls that were still conscious cried out with her as the water and blood kept coming. Her cheek was pressed against the ceiling of the van as she struggled to get any little gasp of air left within the vehicle before it was completely consumed by water. She opened her eyes under the barely lit water as she held her breath. Tears mixed with water mixed with blood. Her lungs began to ache and crush in on themselves, her eyes widened as slowly had to let the air out of her body instinctually to keep herself alive just a little longer. But it was too late.

The last bit of air left her lungs, she held on without anything a second or two more staring into the faces of the girls she had called her friends for much of her young life. Then she gasped for breath and in came the water, the tears the blood. Her body coughed, and out they came again only to have them intake again. She choked in and out for a few moments the world growing fuzzier and darker around her, her eyes bloodshot as tears, blood, and water flowed out of them. She grabbed her throat as she convulsed under the darkness, and in her tiny hand she grasped a small daisy-shaped necklace. I love you Daddy. The voice whispered in her ear, and then she was gone.

---

It was Sunday morning, Chloe walked into the cemetery, necklace gripped tightly in her hand making a daisy indention on her palm. There he was sitting and leaning against a gravestone. Her stomach turned uncomfortably as she approached him quietly, “I found it.” She said, much less arrogantly then she would have before. The man looked up at her, his mouth formed a soft tilt upwards. “Did you now?” He said holding his hand out.

Chloe put the necklace in his palm and he brought it to his face. He looked at it for a moment before pressing it tightly to his lips, “Yes, this is it.” He said quietly. Chloe gave a sigh of relief hoping that with the guilt she had been feeling lifted, perhaps her dreams would subside and she could move on with her life. He put the necklace in his shirt pocket and looked up at her with kind eyes, “Thank you.” He said quietly. Chloe looked away humbly but by the time she focused her attention back on him, he was gone and a gravestone left in his place. She read it silently, “James Winfrey; devoted in life and death to his wife and daughter. - January 19, 1975 – October 7, 2015.”

-A

Plot Generators

I've always loved plot generators. I use to buy books full of writing prompts and exercises just to encourage me to write creatively (before the internet hah). Lately I've been using this website and so far it has come up with some great plots and one lined subjects. For the one-lined prompts I usually give myself a time limit of 10 to 20 minutes to help hone quick thoughts of creativity. For the plot-based generators I usually give myself a word count to reach - usually between 2500 and 5000 words to encourage me to work on my details and keep a story interesting even if I'm uninterested. Here is my latest generated plot;

A selfish 20 year-old woman 
A sensitive 40 year-old man 
The story begins in a cemetery 
Something precious has been lost 
It's a story about memories 
The main character has to make a lot of changes 

So I guess I'll get started on that now.
-A

My silly neighbors

Apparently, hearing people scream bloody murder, caused an alarm in my area.

They didn't think it was just horror films/movies.

Haha, the look on their faces when I opened my door and they saw nothing but a movie playing. 

They told me to turn it down, and not to play so many of those types of movies.

People here are such scaredy-cats, they think me watching it will cause evil things to appear around them. 

It makes me sad I can't watch my movies at a normal volume because of the screaming. 

Boring

Assignments. 

I give up on everything.

Just going to pretend there is no world today and watch movies. 

Watched the lion king today.

From My Evening Walk....

From Yna's place to mine. 

Took me an hour to walk. Could have rode a tricycle, but I found more peace walking back home.

Malls suck

Donut date with myself.

*Edit*

Self donut date turned into a group food date.
Yna and Jhen's motto: "Food solves everything."
Hope this may be a good day.

Babies

"I guess every lonely girl would hope she's a Princess"

Hm.

"Hush now, and lift your head"

I still love him.
So I shall just try calm the storm within me, and hope everything will be okay.
Wanting happiness for him and I, and wanting to talk to him.
So I will smile with the rest of my hope.

The mind is a powerful thing to overcome.

He opened the door to find her there in front of him. Her eyes cast downward to the floor. He didn't skip a beat as he closed the gap between them, sliding a hand against her cheek and pulling her face up to his lips. He kissed her softly. So glad that she was here. No matter the consequences the visit would bring. His lips moved perfectly with hers as his tongue slipped in and out of her mouth, essences intertwining. She tasted like strawberries eaten on a full moon, it was intoxicating. He slid his hand down her back and pulled her in tighter to him still, it was hard for him to breath. He kissed her fervently on the doorstep, as if every breath dependent upon their embrace. Seconds passed... and when he opened his eyes... she was gone.

-A

Write about your day so far. (10 minutes)

To be honest, my days about over I think so this prompt really doesn't mean much at the moment. My day had been a little Topsy turvy. I struggle along the line of trying to figure out who I am as a person and who I am as an entity. I also struggle trying to know who I am without her. She brought so much happiness to my life, with the little things so without those I really don't have much happiness. I know she's in pain too, and that doesn't help my ego at all. It's Friday so I'm drowning myself in a few glasses of wine. I want to talk to her. I didn't uninstall my messenger like I told myself I would. Now I just stare at it, wanting to sign on. Wanting to say hello. Wanting to catch up. Fuck, I love her so much. It hurts my entire being to know she's right there. In my mind she's a rose that is covered her in thorns though, something I've done with others untouchable in the past. I'm use to it. The only problem is when I grabbed onto the other thorns I was just harming myself... if I grab onto her, I'm hurting both of us. I don't want to hurt her, ever. I just want to hold on though. I don't mind bleeding for her, but I'll be damned if she'll bleed for me. I'm not going to make it the full ten minutes. I need another glass of wine and someone to talk to.
-A

6:28 PM

Sometimes I wish someone would find me and just take me away from the world and just keep me as their little secret.

At least it is Friday.

            Alone in the apartment, today until Sunday night, fun.
            At least I have my goat and assignments to do.
            Just going to lay down and sleep for now.
            Today has been both a good and bad day.

P.S.

All I want to do is hold you close and tell you everything is going to be okay. Even as a friend.

~A

Write about someone who irritates you. (10 minutes)

It was in high school. Her eyes were brown and her hair was brown and straight. She was so pale you could practically see the blood running through her veins. She was thin too, and not in the attractive way, but in the way that makes a person look sickly. This person most definitely wasn't my friend, yet she wasn't really an enemy either - and frankly I almost pitied her. She would always walk up to people and loudly declare her existence and interject herself into every conversation even if it was something that she never experienced or knew anything about. She always felt this need to have experienced it in some way or had had a "friend" experience it. She was so loud too, obnoxiously so, about every little thing. In a way that I couldn't stand, and after a while it seemed like everything that came out of her mouth was vile merely because I heard her and her annoying self as she followed my friends and I around chattering like a monkey. I kind of felt bad for hating her because in my heart he knew she was just looking for attention, or she was just trying to make friends but no one had ever really taught her the proper way to do so. She didn't seem to have the ability to read the faces of those around her as she went into odd morbid details about things that no one wanted to hear or listen to. She annoyed everyone around her but I don't think anyone ever had the courage to tell her just how annoying she really was. They just kind of ignored her and talked horrible things about her behind her back. It was actually kind of sad now that I think of it. She always looked sad too. I think she may have suffered from some kind of depression, she definitely had some frightful mood swings. I can't be too sure as it was a long time ago, but perhaps maybe she did know how annoying everyone thought she was, but she still tried every day to get everyone to like her anyway. Sadly the more she tried the further everyone else tried to push her away, ostracize her. Maybe there is something admirable about that though. Though she was irritating to me as well, I hope that she did find some kind of happiness, or she found people to be around that did enjoy her. I mean everyone deserves to be in the company of people who enjoy them, respect them. Silly, annoying girl as she was; hopefully she found happiness somewhere.

-A

Seriously!

     I leave the apartment for only an hour by myself, because my cousin didn't want to run last minute errands, and I come home, not only to my lovely goat not being feed dinner, but also to a dead baby kitten.
    Poor Olivier. -cries- She was such a sweetheart. Whenever I was on the verge of tears, she would cry and climb into my lap.
    She has horrible cat skills, so I watch her often, and she kept slipping in the bathroom because she liked to try and climb. I told my cousin not to leave that door open, and what did she do?
    She left it open. She didn't even notice. On the phone with her schoolmates, happily chatting away after I bought her a load for calling.
    My baby kitten...
    Day started out good for once this month, and it turns out shitty.
    R.I.P baby Olivier.

Blah

             Just posting because I liked how this photo came out....kinda out.
             Not what I had in mind, but it has been a while since I drew by hand.
             More so, it has been a while since I drew because I felt like it.

Broke Down

Crying in class within the first 15 minutes.
Excusing myself, I ended up calling my sister.
We don't always get along. We are as opppsite as sisters can be.
But she answered.
She let me cry to her for 15 minutes, before she told me to shut it.
Heh. She ended up lecturing me. A mentally unstable person lectured me about my mental status. The irony.
For once she acted as an older sister should.
She made me go wash my face and go back to class because I wasn't being me.
That leaves me to wonder....
Who am I?

Punishment

And just when I thought the world couldn't be any brighter
I shove it all away and drown myself in the darkness.
Deeper than the deepest trench
Darker than the darkest sky
Until someone, somewhere reaches down and grabs me
Yanks me back into the real world
I can't stop destroying everything around me
Everything that is good in my life I push away
Sucker punch to the gut
I deserve it

Where is my light?
-A

Just maybe

             If I straighten my hair something different will happen.
             After all, it is a change.
             Though I highly doubt it, I do hold out hope for something.
             Not sure what. But something, anything.
             Anything other than mindlessly staying up because I can't sleep.
             Something other than the emptiness I am feeling.
             Sometimes I just want to talk to someone, but everyone I talk to just doesn't listen
             Everyone has something going on in their lives.
             What makes me special to unload my thoughts on them, when they may need more help than me?
             Should I bother with myself? Or should I bare the burdened of everyone else's sorrow around me?
             Since I don't feel like myself, I shouldn't have my nice fluffy messy hair.
             Now I will just look like those around me.
             Become faceless, blend in the crowd.
             Maybe it will be better? Less hassle?
             Early morning Rambling.
             That's all this is.
             Never mind the rest, my mind and soul is just a mess.
             There's just a lot I don't understand.
             I wonder if I will.

Lost

The monster finally caught up. Digging its claws into my being. Forcing me to allow it inside. No more running, no more hiding. It wanted in, and it always gets what it wants. 

Sneaking up on a day of no classes. 

My body was worn out, deprived of sleep and I was feeling empty. Now....I am well rested but nothing else has changed.

Hello my name is...

I feel like such a failure.
I can't even look at myself anymore.
Disappointment is my name.
-A

Existing

      Surrounded by many, all day long, yet still feel all alone.
      Tag along. Smile, and put on a façade just to get through the day.
      Somehow finding the darkness of the room comforting more each passing minute.
      Distract myself. Indulge in doing nothing but just existing.
      Kini kasakit sakit. Akong puso mobati nga sama kini nga gigisi gikan sa sulod kanako.

Condensation

He stares down as condensation forms on the outside of the water glass, the memories of happier times beading and dripping onto the tabletop as he strums the pen between his fingers. Trying to work in these conditions, getting anything done is futile. Distracted and cursed by the nothingness that has overwhelmed him. And therein completes another day where nothing feels right, everything is off, and the world is a much darker place than it was before.

Ulitin

                Sa gabii, sa diha nga kini hilom, gusto ko nga babalik sa pipila ka mga awit.

                Putting my racing heart at ease, I settle into a numbing state that isn't all that 

                bad...so it is something at the very least. 

                Ang akong kasingx2 kasakit, kaayo.

Whispering Words of Long Lost Lullabies

Melodies flow through my head, all day long as I lulled in and out of my light sleep fighting to stay awake. 

The thought of closing my eyes longer than a few seconds fill me with dread that a  tomorrow may not come. 

I busy myself with meaningless tasks, making my hands work and my brain throb with something other than my own thoughts. 

But despite it all, I still find myself closing my eyes to try to create my own world, wanting to disappear into the water, living forever. 

Mad World

His mind spun in circles as he pulled the blanket back over his face. The light peering through the blind slats and into his face from his position on the couch. He rubbed his head with his first finger and thumb a moment trying to remember what had happen the night before but the details were too fuzzy to piece together properly. He closed his eyes and turned over to get comfortable for a few minutes more. He didn't want the day to start. As he lay there his eyes suddenly flew open and he sat up knocking over his alcohol from the night before that was on the side table. He cursed under his breath as vodka and soda spilled onto the carpet. He used the blanket someone had covered him with to sop up the puddle on the floor. He pulled his laptop to him and turned it on quickly to figure out what had happened the night before.

---

He closed the laptop slowly and stared at it a few moments. A lot of emotions ran through him and then stopped all at once. Suddenly he was empty inside, drained of everything. He stood up and walked into the bathroom, turned on the hot water for the shower and undressed. The clothes from the night before felt more dirty than they really were. As he stepped into the scalding hot water, steam rushing around him he still couldn't feel anything. He was dead inside.

--

First Mobile Post

First thing in the morning everyone runs to me for help with the performance task.
Apparently they still think I pay attention in class and not wing everything.
Tunng out the world today with a single song. Obsessed with the movie it is from. Got to find a way to own it.
`Ciao

Wish You Were Here.

"The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket."

-Incubus

`Ciao

When I'm gone

Won't Go Home Without You

Every night you cry yourself to sleep

Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?

Why does every moment have to be so hard?"

Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight

Just give me one more chance to make it right

I may not make it through the night

I won't go home without you

I'll fade if so needed, all those moments with you if I had you beside me now.